bigger, more spacing, easier to read.

As someone who writes for a living, I can’t say that I love this about myself. Some days, being a writer with ADHD feels more annoying than empowering. Most days, my brain feels both chaotic and calm. It’s taken me a week to finally get this essay written and out to you all. And honestly, it’s been overwhelming. Deadlines are hard for me, and the negative self-talk that sometimes comes with struggling to meet them can make things even harder. Having a sparkly brain requires a lot of patience, paired with a whole lot of practice.

I’m learning to work with the way my mind wanders. I’m coming to understand that when it comes to writing, I cannot multitask, and I cannot force things that aren’t ready to meet me. Or maybe I’m not ready to meet them. I’m also learning to trust myself in the midst of it all. One thought leads to another, which somehow reminds me that I still have a spill to clean up from an hour ago, which then leads to me doing something entirely different from what I originally sat down to do. It’s a lot.

But I’m trying to stay curious about these moments instead of immediately criticizing myself for them. Because what looks like “carelessness” from the outside isn’t a lack of care. Sometimes I’m genuinely trying my hardest, and my attention is simply somewhere else.

Learning not to punish myself for getting things half right or leaving things half written while I figure out how to finish them is my growing edge. My medication helps tremendously. But even with that support, some days it’s still a lot to manage. For a long time, I thought I needed to try harder. Be more disciplined. Get more organized. Stop procrastinating. Buy another planner or pen. Make another schedule. Because surely, if I wanted something badly enough, I could figure out how to make myself focus and do it.